Monday, February 18, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
At the end of the day, I stepped out of the office like a battered soldier. Tired and a bit restless, I decided to take a slow walk home to calm my frayed nerves.
And the trip back home was indeed a nostalgic one. As I walked, I came across paths that mum and I would used to take. Suddenly, these memories overwhelmed me. Tears began to flow.
As I walked past my old primary school, I got this feeling that time has stopped for me. Like I am once again a schoolboy, running home to savour mum's homecooked food..... Once again I am in her arms, feeling her warmth.
But reality is cruel, and painful too. No matter how many times I tell myself she not there anymore. I just cannot accept it.
I'm heading home....
She used to exercise along this path as I always take this path to work every morning. Sometimes, I really hope she was waiting for me at the end of that path....
I placed her tablet in this temple near my place. She did volunteer work there and I reckoned that she would be very happy to be there. I could visit her more often too.
My dad got her a massage chair to ease her discomfort. If only I could ease her pain..
My family. Forever..
Looking at these old photos again is a heart-wrenching experience.
Although I could not care for her ever again, I did the only thing I could do, gave her the joy of being a grandma.... (I miss you, mum).
Friday, February 8, 2008
Well, with nothing esle to do for the past three weeks, I started to re-evaluate my life and priorities. It's quite startling how much I have under-achieved. I have thought of a great deal of things. And having a blog really helps since I can write these down and refer to them later. It sort of "tidy" up my problems and gives me a clearer picture/perspective at the same time.
If only life is so simple. Get married, have children and make sure they grow up to be able to take care of themselves before you call it a day. It makes me wonder have I, as a parent, been doing my part in this family. With my job and hobby, I inevitably restricted the time to bond with my son. And I've already noticed a invisible wedge that has formed between us. Gosh! there was once I sent him crying for no apparent reason. I was actually explaining to him in a non-threatening manner to stop watching the TV at such close proximity. That was a wake-up call for me! I'm planning to take him out to play more often and actually try to communicate with him, patience is the key! I wanted to be a friend to him rather than cold and cranky old man later (hahaha). Just like my DAD (giggles)!
My wife may jolly be the next best thing that has ever happened to me. She's tremendously patient and kind to me and very understanding. She gives my hobby her full support. Which was probably why I was able to progress so much over the years. And most importantly, she is not going to maul me over my huge collection of Gundams. And thanks to her, I was able to do gunpla without my son messing with tools and stuff.
And that is why I am a selfish person. I am so concerned about my own interests, I have sort of "neglected" her. I am very appreciative of the things she has sacrificed for my sake. Sometimes it's only a matter of showing what matters most, my feelings to her. Communication and mutual trust are necessary to maintain a healthy marriage life. Something that I cannot take for granted.
Until today, I am still wondering how the heck this Idiopathic Thrombocytopenic Purpura (ITP) got me? I have been reasonably fit for 29 years of my life, exercising regularly and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Or have I?
Come to think of it, I'm drinking less than two glasses of water a day, I slept on the average four hours a day, I wasn't really watching my diet either. And I tend to worry incessantly over small issues, especially at work. A friend once commented that with my lifestyle, I could hit the wall one day. I guess this is it. My mum used to nag me on my unhealthy lifestyle (how I miss her nagging now) but I simply ignored her. Now, things got a lot worse when she passed on. Guilt ridden and losing a purpose for life all of a sudden, I went through hell for the past four months. Fighting back tears has become a daily routine to me. My body has taken quite a beating. I brought this upon myself I guess. Just can't help feeling down...
Because of my condition, I have no idea what's in store for me. I can only hope for the best. "Can I still lead a normal life?","Can I even live past 50?" Those questions are toying with my mind for quite awhile now. I'm pretty worried but I have to put up a brave front in front of my family... Life could really turn up the heat on me but it doesn't mean the end of the road, not yet at least.
By chance, I came across a book called "Mindpower" by Vernon Coleman. It was a very interesting read! Perhaps the mind is a more powerful tool than we could ever imagine. I have already benefited from some of the articles in it. This book sort of clear the doubts that has been clouding my mind for so long. I'm feeling better mentally and spiritually. Now I want to take back my health too!
Still in my first job since I 'ORD'. That's almost seven years now at one place. My friends are stumped why I haven't moved on. I could be much better off. I think that I'm simply too settled in my comfort zone. I'm not looking forward to the challenges of an new environment, collegues and work systems. Or rather I resist "change" (like most Tauruses). But as time goes by, I realised that change may be necessary to a better future. I would probably need to attain qualifications to "value-add" myself first. Darn! I have been putting that off for so many years. I'm gonna do something about it this year. At least, I can look forward to provide more for my family soon...
To me, nothing is more enjoyable than Gunpla. Although I am delighted when one kit is completed, it is the built-up leading to the finished product that I truely enjoy. Nothing beats the feeling of achievement after effort, time and sweat are put in, period.
And thanks to Blogger, I am able to share my works with fellow modellers. At the same time, advices, criticisms and lots of kind comments on my works motivate me to strive for newer methods and better techniques. I have made quite a number of friends too!
I have been thinking on how to make my blog more comprehensive and informative to young modellers as well as the seasoned pros. One suggestion which was thrown to me was having WIP (Work-In-Progress) pictures for my finished products. Another would be posting tutorials and tips on basic/advanced techniques.
I do agree on the above and plan to have WIP shots of my finished kits in the future. Tutorials may come later too. I do not have any "special" skills or secrets to reveal as good decent models can be achieved with hard work and perservance. That's my philosophy.
Progressively, I'm looking at a mini revamp of this blog in terms of its contents and hopefully more visitors could benefit from it later.
Oh well, that sort of does it. I am remaining focused and keeping my fingers crossed that things will eventually resolved by themselves. Watch this column people!
Tuesday, February 5, 2008