I guess I won't be updating this blog for quite some time.
My mum has left me on 3 October 2007 at the age of 55. She died of complications due to cancer. She was struggling with the disease for the past few days and I tried to be with her all this time. I wanted to make sure she was comfortable as she can be and not lonely as well, but I was really helpless. Everyday was bad news to me, she just wasn't getting any better. I prayed, I prayed really hard, for her to get well to go home to be with my family. But it was not meant to be....
My family was with her during her last moments. She was confused and very sick, vomiting non-stop. It hurt me seeing her like this, but I could not do anything. I just sob. When the time did come, I grabbed her arm and asked her to rest. Life ebbed away from her slowly and I could only cry. Everyone was crying. My father, a harden man, it was the second time I seen him cried. I felt that someone has stabbed me in the heart, the ache was indescrible. It was really painful.
When she was alive, I have never realised how many sacrifices she had made for us. Like all mothers, she was caring and her children always come first. Praying for our well-being became her only devotion. She wanted us to be healthy and happy and we acknowledge that. But we never let her know....
I regretted that I was not so open to her. There are a lot of things I wanted to tell her but I held back and now I live with regret. I wanted to tell her that I love her. I wanted to thank her for taking care of the family all this years with such devotion and love.
To think that she has to endure so much hardship in her younger days and till the very end, she was still worrying about us, I felt that I have done her a great injustice. I wanted to hold her hand and bring her to many countries, give her the best food I could pay, live in the biggest house I could afford. But I am just plain useless...
If the deities are listening to this, please let my mum know that I want to be her son my next life so that I could fulfil my obligations to her. I really miss you, mum....
My first year
My sister and me
My mum in the background.
My mum, sis and me.
