I do not know why, but for the past few months, life has been really hectic. Everyday is literally like a mad struggle to stay alive. I know it's stupid but I am beginning to realise that life is not that easy afterall. Everywhere there are people who readily thumb you down the moment you present them with a chance. Nowadays, people are less forgiving, and cold too. It is really a harsh world out there. As I worked, I am beginning to have doubts about myself. Am I very inefficient? Incapable? Or plain stupid? Life is practically meaningless.
Is there a purpose in life? I have no answer for that after my mum left me. I need a reason to fight on. And little did I realised my "reason" to live comes in the form of a four year old boy named Reyes, my son.
I looked forward to coming home everyday. It is a "shelter" to me. In it, I can find warmth and love. I may be having a foul mood. But all that dissipates the instant I open the door and there he is, standing there waiting for me. How wonderful it is to be a father. I want to nurture him, protect him from everything and most important, to teach him what I learnt from my dad and mum. That is the "purpose" of my life now.
I want him to remember my mum. I will talk to him about her as much as I can. And when the day I'm gone. She will still be remembered.
I never got over her death. Time has stopped for me. Physically I am "intact". But mentally and spirtually, I could have been long gone if not for my family. I am a forgetful person. So everyday I replay what my mum had spoken to me, her teachings, her actions, everything. I'm afraid I might forget all of these one day... Although it has been more than one year since she moved on, I still yield to see her again every single day. I really miss her.
I chance upon this whilst surfing the net and it touch my heart deeply. I want to thank the author (although I do not have his or her name) for offering me some comfort with these writings, "thank you" :)
WHEN TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME
When tomorrow starts without me,And I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life,
I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you,
and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,
He said "This is eternity,And all I've promised you.
"Today for life on earth is past,
But here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same day
There's no longing for the past.
But you have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things,
You knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you take my hand
And share my life with me?
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.
Author Unknown (Sent in by Jennifer Prugh --- Pennsylvania)
Kenny
