I dread the night. It gets awkfully quiet and light is bandished by darkness. I looked out of the window and gazed at the crimson sky. Despair and loneliness, like a tidal wave, engulfed me. I can't help but feel small. So utterly helpless. So useless.The lights in the room offers me little comfort from the impending darkness. My heart is like the black hole, bottomless pit of emptiness and sadness.
Memories began to flood, I drifted in and out of reality. I pushed myself further back in time, as far as my mind permited. Everything was vague. I fought the murkiness to see her again. I miss her. I have never felt so heart broken before. I have been told that time will heal everything. I'm afraid that I might take a lifetime to heal..."Yee!" A familiar voice called out to me. I turned around and I saw her, waving at me from a distance. "Time to go home!" I ran over. I looked around and realised tha I was back in school. She came to fetch me home. I looked up at her. Yea, it's her. "Mum, what you cooking today?" I asked. "Your favourite dish." She replied. "Wooh! Yea!" was my reply.Please stop time for me. Let me stay there forever. Let me be by her side forever.
All of a sudden, I was thrusted back into the ward. Now, she was lying in front of me, sick and delirious. I was grabbing her hand, calling out to her, pleading. It was the first time I held her hand, so cold so weak. If only she can hear me... Everyone was around us. "Mum, please stay with me, there are so many things I want to show you. Please stay..."Her last words to me was , "I'm hungry, I'm hungry..." Those words will forever haunt me. I am utterly useless. I watched as life slowly ebbed from her. I cried.
(I still cry.)
As I look out into the nightsky, I feel that she is up there, looking at me. I look at her lovingly and told her to wait for me. "When I'm done, I'll come and look for you, please wait for me." "Promise me. If there is a rainbow bridge, I want to see you there when my life ends".
As I wiped the tears away, I heard my boy making a fuss over something again. I took a long look at the nightsky one last time before I turn around. Away from the darkness into the warmth of my family."Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, you must always remember me. You will always be in my heart until it stop beating. This I promise you. I'm looking forward to your cooking again. I love you."
The missing part, sob
