Today is the 3rd anniversary of her death. I have taken leave to pray at the temple. At the void deck, I looked up at the sky, it was gloomy, overcast. It reflected my mood perfectly.
Three years. But it still feels like yesterday. The pain is still very apparent when I looked at my sister. Unwanted reality sets in. Mum is forever gone. However she has never left my mind since that fateful day. She is the first person I think of every morning when I am conscious and the last person I "see" before I sleep. I have a photo of her with me in my younger days saved in my phone and I will look at it when I am feeling down .Somehow it always relieve my pain and frustrations even if it is temporary.
(I am still in complete denial. I still miss her.)
Sometimes, I ask myself, why do I want children and then make them go through the pain when we die? It seems heartless. On the other hand, I thanked my parents for giving me a shot at life. If not for their selfless sacrifices and perseverance, I can't imagine where I will be today.
Now, it is my turn to do that. I may not be the perfect father but I will certainly try my very best for my son, Reyes and very very soon, my daughter, Ashley. Welcome to the family, my little girl :)
As I looked at her urn, I made her a promise. If she can wait, please give me time. When I fulfilled my duties as husband and father, I will join her and resume my duties as her son. That is the only thing I ask for.
It's beginning to pour outside. Could she be crying for us? Because we are....
|by Rodney Belcher|
|I feel you in the morning|
When at first I awake
Your thought is with me
With each decision I make
You'd been around forever
Since the first breath I took
Now I have to go on alone
But for love, I need not look
Cause by what you bestowed
In our short time together
Will last in my heart
Forever and ever
Although you've left
And now walk above
I'm never alone
I'm wrapped in your love
Enjoy now your long waited reward
Feel peace that your love continues on
What was taught to me, will be taught to mine
Cause you live on in me even after you've gone