The moment I saw the whole basin went red after I rinsed and spit out the water, I know something is not right. I took a quick look at my arms and true enough, little red spots everywhere. I told my wife I won't be working today and need to seek treatment immediately.
I packed some stuff and before heading out, sat in front of my GBWC entry for awhile. "Looks like I'm going to have to sit this one out." It's kinda suck with the finishing line in sight. All the effort and sleep I sacrificed have all come to nothing.
Come to think of it, things have not been going well for the past two-three weeks. First my daughter had stomach flu and was hospitalized. And the following day, I had to sent my dad to the A&E Department for a very bad flu. After that hectic three days, I came down with flu myself and was effectively out the whole week. And when things look to be back to normal, my uncle was warded. I have not seen him for quite some time and was shocked when I visited him. He had withered a lot. I know it was a matter of time.
(He passed away this afternoon when I was been admitted into the hospital.)
I am suffering from Idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura (ITP). My blood platelet count is at 7000 per microlitre of blood. To put things in perspective a normal platelet count is considered to be in the range of 150,000 to 450,000 per microlitre of blood for a healthy individual.
So here I am, in bed waiting for the doctors to examine me. Looks like they are going to pump me with steroids again. And I have to put up with all the side effects all over again. Sigh...
To be frank, I don't know what is wrong with me. I feel perfectly good and test results don't reflect that. I can only say it is down to stress. The hectic work and impending audits, followed by all the illnesses in the family. Then came the news of my second uncle. And together with the stress I put myself through to complete The-O, I hit the wall. My body just cannot take it anymore.
I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE. This hobby is not as enjoyable as before. All I ask for is that I can continue to produce works and thrill people. Make more friends along the way, local and internationally. Something happened to me last year that change my perception of people. I was duped and betrayed. Deceived and fooled. Never judge a book by its cover. Your friend could be your worse enemy. I learn to be wary of everyone now. My philosophy of welcoming people with an open heart was been ridiculed. From that very episode, I learnt that ambition can drive and destroy you as well. If you are weak and corruptible you will eventually give in to those temptations.
At the end of the day, trophies doesn't count for anything if you are not recognized and approved by your fellow modelers.
"That's the truth."
I remodeled the O I did last year with the intention to submit it for this year's GBWC. But looking at my current situation, that will not happen for sure. But I will finish it once I am discharged because I want a closure to that matter and bury the whole damn thing once and for all.
Why am I writing so much all of a sudden? Well , I guess with everything that happened so far, I need a outlet, a avenue for all the feelings and grief that bottled up in me for too long already.
I seriously need to let go and seek a new direction.