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Monday, October 29, 2012

Idiopathic Thrombocytopenic Purpura - Day 1 (29 October 2012)

The moment I saw the whole basin went red after I rinsed and spit out the water, I know something is not right. I took a quick look at my arms and true enough, little red spots everywhere. I told my wife I won't be working today and need to seek treatment immediately.

I packed some stuff and before heading out, sat in front of my GBWC entry for awhile. "Looks like I'm going to have to sit this one out." It's kinda suck with the finishing line in sight. All the effort and sleep I sacrificed have all come to nothing. 

Come to think of it, things have not been going well for the past two-three weeks. First my daughter had stomach flu and was hospitalized. And the following day, I had to sent my dad to the A&E Department for a very bad flu. After that hectic three days, I came down with flu myself and was effectively out the whole week. And when things look to be back to normal, my uncle was warded. I have not seen him for quite some time and was shocked when I visited him. He had withered a lot. I know it was a matter of time. 

(He passed away this afternoon when I was been admitted into the hospital.)

I am suffering from Idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura (ITP)My blood platelet count is at 7000 per microlitre of blood. To put things in perspective  a normal platelet count is considered to be in the range of 150,000 to 450,000 per microlitre of blood for a healthy individual. 

So here I am, in bed waiting for the doctors to examine me. Looks like they are going to pump me with steroids again. And I have to put up with all the side effects all over again. Sigh... 

To be frank, I don't know what is wrong with me. I feel perfectly good and test results don't reflect that. I can only say it is down to stress. The hectic work and impending audits, followed by all the illnesses in the family. Then came the news of my second uncle. And together with the stress I put myself through to complete The-O, I hit the wall. My body just cannot take it anymore. 

I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE. This hobby is not as enjoyable as before. All I ask for is that I can continue to produce works and thrill people. Make more friends along the way, local and internationally. Something happened to me last year that change my perception of people. I was duped and betrayed. Deceived and fooled. Never judge a book by its cover. Your friend could be your worse enemy. I learn to be wary of everyone now. My philosophy of welcoming people with an open heart was been ridiculed. From that very episode, I learnt that ambition can drive and destroy you as well.  If you are weak and corruptible  you will eventually give in to those temptations. 

At the end of the day, trophies doesn't count for anything if you are not recognized and approved by your fellow modelers. 

"That's the truth."  

I remodeled the O I did last year with the intention to submit it for this year's GBWC. But looking at my current situation, that will not happen for sure. But I will finish it once I am discharged because I want a closure to that matter and bury the whole damn thing once and for all.

Why am I writing so much all of a sudden? Well , I guess with everything that happened so far, I need a outlet, a avenue for all the feelings and grief that bottled up in me for too long already.

I seriously need to let go and seek a new direction.

"A rebirth" 


Rest well bro. You will recover well and hope to see you in person. Will pray for you and your family. God bless

Dude, I believe that your works has always been a inspiration to most of us gunpla modelers.
Sincerly wishing you all the best with your recovery. So that we can meet up again and admire your master piece once again.
May the peace that comes from the memories of love shared comfort you now and in the days ahead.
Really really hope to see the O get completed for GBWC.
Stay strong, stay fighting.

My friend I have no eloquent warming words to offer after what I have read, but I say this...I have always been a long time fan of your work and sincerely hope all looks to a brighter side in the days ahead.

My BEST regards to you and family.

My friend, I hope and pray you get better quickly! I can say that I agree with all the things you said about wanting people to get joy from what you/I build. And I can say I have always truly enjoyed the builds you do as inspiration, and as something of beauty. Get better quickly, and remember one of the people you are building for is you!

I wish you all the best, and my sincere condolences for your loss.
I can understand the stress you are under. The ambition you feel to create a good model and the time you need to do so. And then there is all the forums and the blog, and other social networks that are 24h on the move.Sometimes it is way too much stuff going on. The only thing that helps me is to pull back and spend more time with my loved ones.

Take care Kenny and my condolences to you.
Well my advise to you is take things easy and don't forget plamo is a hobby where you are supposed to enjoy yourself and not all about winning trophies.

My deep condolences to you and your family for your loss, stay strong.
I'm just a regular modeler that have been following all your works, I have to say you are a great inspiration for me. Take a break if you are overwhelmed, but I hope you pick up this hobby again in the future when its the right time.

Hi Kenny. Sorry to read the news till now. I hope you can recover soon.

I know how it felt like when one has hope and aspiration but sometime rest is to go further in life. REst well and recover soon. Worry not about other stuff.

Thanks to everybody who commented. I will heed your all of your advice and pace myself from now on. It's a long journey...

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